The Book that Could Save My Marriage (before it needs saving)

I've been following Danielle Butler's blog for a while now. She's actually one of the very first blogs I followed and is even one of the inspirations behind The Bright's Side. A while ago she talked about a book called Created to Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl in this blog post. It sounded like something I might be interested in so I put in on my mental To Do list. Then, about a week ago she posted on Instagram a picture of something from the book and I decided to go ahead and give it a read so I downloaded it on my iPad.


Ya'll, this book has opened my eyes and has changed my entire perspective on my marriage. I'm only on chapter 5 but so far I have gained so much from this book. I knew that I was supposed to "submit" to my husband and "honor" him and "be his crown" and all that, but I wasn't actually doing it.

 

 You see, I've been doing it all wrong so far. I've been letting my emotions and feelings control me, and whenever Tanner does something that hurts me or makes me angry, I've been handling it all wrong. Normally, if Tanner does something that upsets me, my entire mood changes. I pout or say something hurtful to him to let him know that I am not happy with him and I try to cause him pain like he's caused me. Doing this is like saying "God, I know I'm supposed to be patient and not easily angered and stuff, but this is an exception, Tanner needs to know he did something wrong so I'm going to handle this my way, and I'll handle it your way when it's a more minor offense." But the problem with that is that everything becomes an exception and you never learn to handle it God's way, only your way. You practice and practice and practice being angry and giving him the cold shoulder and learning new ways to make him feel terrible about himself all the while tearing him down and making him realize how much you don't respect him. With men, respect is key. Men feel the need to be respected like ladies feel the need to be loved and cherished. They have to have that to feel like they matter. In her book, Debi features a story about a wife that was more her husband's conscious than his help meet. When I read that story, I realized that I am the same way. I am so concerned with what Tanner's doing that when he messes up or does something I don't think he should, I feel this need to tell him what he did wrong. I feel like if I don't tell him, he might not realize he did something wrong and then he'll keep doing it. I am quickly becoming his conscious, and not his loving wife that supports him no matter what.

Maybe it's because I'm a control freak, but I'm struggling with the thought of my husband being the head of this body. I've had this idea that we are equal, that he will work hard at his job, I will work hard at my job and we will both come home and work hard with chores and dinner. But that is wrong. Tanner is not designed to be my equal. I am not designed to be his. Tanner is made to lead me and I am made to follow. I was created to help him in whatever he needs. I am here for support, love, reverence and whatever else he needs me to be. There are not 2 leading roles in a marriage. There is 1. Tanner gets that role and I am the supporting role and I am trying really hard to accept that. Our culture has taught us that we should fight for equality in marriages and that each partner should be equal, but God says otherwise. God's plan for women is to help and support the husband, to be merry, joyful and thankful at all times.

There are so many other lessons I've learned already but this is probably the largest one. I highly recommend this read. It's a bit radical and it's definitely challenging, but I'm gaining so much from it. I can't wait to do a full review on it!