OOTD!!

Since this blog is scattered all over the place, I'd like to throw in some fun posts. The goal is start an OOTD (outfit of the day) series.  Like a typical girly girl, I love clothes, makeup and all things pink so I'm really excited about this, not to mention it'll be a nice little break from the heavier posts. Shopping is one of my absolute favorite things to do but I am most definitely a bargain hunter. I never buy anything that isn't on sale, I just love a good find! I have to say that this was a spur of the moment idea, so today's picture is from my iPhone. I promise the rest will be much better quality. I should also mention that I'm not endorsed by any brand (especially Old Navy, although about 75% of my closet is from there).

So this is what I wore Monday, 10/28/2013. I absolutely despise wearing my hair up, but I had a large case of the Mondays and woke up considerably late so up it went!

Scarf - Walmart $6.96

Cardi - Old Navy $20

Shirt - Old Navy $10

Jeans - Old Navy $15

Flats - Old Navy $18

Watch - Charming Charlies $19

Earrings - Walmart $4.99

What's Happening to Me?

I've never really been the type of girl who dreams about their wedding from age 5. I've always said I didn't want kids and I've looked forward to having a career where I get to wear business suits, have an office, a real reason to carry a briefcase and an assistant to get me coffee even though I really don't like it. However, over the last 6 months I've felt this weird urge inside of me. It started out as a little pangs of longing usually brought on by a YouTube video of a cute baby or one of my friends pinning something extremely neat on their Pinterest wedding board. Now it has grown into this huge volcano of baking, seasonal decorating, overly-coordinated outfits and intense organizing (my office, supply closet, bedroom, vanity room, kitchen, bathroom, etc.) that is sure to erupt at any moment if something doesn't give.

I realize that this urge is probably just my maternal instincts coming forth and the need to nurture rearing it's ugly head, with perfect curls and precise makeup, smelling like Clinique Happy. I just can't help it. I want to be a wife. I want children. And worst of all.......I want to be a stay at home Mom. This is what really scares me. The fact that I actually want to trade in my business pantsuit for jeans and a burp cloth.

I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom because I think it will be easy. Anyone who can spend their day picking up toys, preparing meals, washing and folding clothes all while making sure their kids don't kill themselves deserves a medal of honor. I've just always heard that the perfect job is one you love doing, and one you don't look at as a job. To me, a stay at home mom would be just that. I could focus on the things I'd love most, my husband, my kids and I could do so much more at church! I could put all of my energy into those things, instead of sitting in an office making someone else's dreams come true.

 I mostly blame Tanner for this shift of outlook. On our second date I told him I didn't want to have children. His response? "Well we should probably just end this now because I have to have a little boy...". Right then, I knew. Maybe, deep down, I always did want all of these things, I just needed someone I could see it happening with to realize what I wanted. When I think about 10 years from now, I see a floor scattered with toys and dishes in the sink and I hear the laughter of kids who's parents love them so much. Some days will be full of silliness and I'll think I have the greatest kids in the world, other days will be full of messy hair, tears and I'll wonder if karma has come to repay me of all the bad things I did as a youth through my children. But no matter what, I promise to thank God for every minute of it.

Befriend An Enemy

How often do we try to "win" over people with debates about Jesus Christ and the truthfulness of the Bible? What if I told you that debates don't win Christians.

When asked about recently coming under fire for the type of people he associates with, Rick Warren, a well known evangelist, said this:

You cannot win your enemies to Christ; only your friends, so we must build bridges of friendship and love to those who believe differently so Jesus can walk across that bridge into their hearts.

First of all, let's stop saying the word "win". People are people, not prizes.

Rick is saying that we have to become friends with someone, first and foremost. Not just be friendly, but have a true friendship with this person. One where you can be honest with each other and most of all, you care about the other person. It may take weeks, months or even years, but I think if you really build a relationship with someone and they see that you care for them and that you live a Christian life, God will take care of the rest.  So, in summary:

Step 1- Build Friendship using honesty, compassion and love.
Step 2- Let God handle the rest.

How simple??

Jump Start My Heart

You know the feeling you get when you hear your favorite worship song? The one that moves you to tears or makes you feel so close to God that you could close your eyes and see him? That is one of the best feelings in the world.

Being brought up in a Christian home, I've always had a relationship with God. He's been my friend, my diary, my shoulder to cry on and all things in between. And even though I've considered myself a Christian my whole life, there was a time where I just couldn't find Him. I couldn't get that feeling. I felt totally disconnected and began to wonder if all of the mistakes I'd made in the past couple of years had pushed me to such a dark place that even God himself couldn't reach me. So I began to pray. I prayed that God would show me something. Anything. Something to make me feel close to Him again. Something that made me feel alive, because spiritually speaking, I was dead.

Ironically enough, it was death that God used to revive me. Glenn Taylor was diagnosed with cancer on May 10, 2013 and died exactly 2 weeks later on May 25 at 2:15am. There was a moment that morning, as we sat in my Grandaddy's living room with his body and the hospice nurse. My mom, my aunt and uncle, my Grandma and Tanner. I was sad, but for some reason I was extremely at peace with the situation. And that's when it happened. The feeling. God was there. He was so close I could feel Him in my heart. Once the funeral was over and all details taken care of, I felt this insane urge to do something. To get involved. To  make a difference. To live. I knew, then, that this was my answered prayer. I had to go back to church but this time I didn't want to just sit. I wanted to lead. I wanted to plan.

Death affects everyone in different ways and I still get upset when I think about my Grandaddy not attending my wedding, but maybe it was what I needed. Maybe an intense surge of emotion and tragedy was what I needed to jump start my heart's connection to God. I'm still not really sure what came over me, but I do know that God was with me through that time and He's still here. And as long as he continues to answer my prayers, whether it's how I think they should be answered or not, I'll continue to serve.